I usually have a policy against screwing dumb people but please understand, I was rebounding hard-core and his jaw was glorious. That is no excuse but it puts it into perspective.

We were in bed, clothing scattered across my room, before I remembered I hadn’t asked him my two questions.

1.) Do you believe in evolution?

2.) Do you believe that humans are causing global climate change? 

So pining him to the bed I said “Before we go any further I need to ask you two things.”

He probably thought I was going to ask him if he had any STIs or a girlfriend because he grinned and told me to go ahead. 

“Are you a creationist?” 

His face went blank, his eyes expanded into a look of confusion. “I don’t know what that is.”

This is the point I should have handed him his pants and told him to get out, but I was feeling generous so I clarified, “What is your opinion of Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection?”

He smiled and shrugged. “Um… I don’t know?” 

Oh Gawd, was really the only thing that came into my head. That and if this guy knocked me up there was no way to I could carry to term. “One more question: Do you believe that humans are causing global climate change?”

He smiled at this one. “Yes.”

He passed with a D.

We all have needs, and although my needs were met I felt dirty in a not good way. 

Laying in bed, listening to him snore, I made a pledge with myself and I challenge you to sign this pledge too. 

Here’s something I made for you. I suggest you sign it and hang it by your bed or mirror so that you will never have to go through what I did. Do this for yourself. Do this for humanity. But most of all, do this for me. 

A.